i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize