I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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