I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
