i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
