Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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