He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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