Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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