Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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