THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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