i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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