She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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