So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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