last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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