Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
