Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
