I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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