Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
