Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
