we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
