I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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