oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
