ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
