I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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