You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
