ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
