I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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