So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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