My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
