Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
