My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
