I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
