I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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