i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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