Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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