she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize