Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize