I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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