Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
