ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
