I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
