@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Swine flu is the new snow day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
