Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
