Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize