You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
zippers are such a cool invention
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
