Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
