allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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