That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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