please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
