would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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