not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
