I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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