There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize