She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
