peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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