She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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