return my video game
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
