lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
