I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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