Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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