Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
