did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
