we're chasing vodka with high fives
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
