Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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