Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
