My first STD was from a foam party
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
