Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize