I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
