we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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