I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
