Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
