No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
