On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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