ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
