3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
